• flatiron therapist nyc

    Nicole Matusow, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist - NYC

About Me & My Practice

I work with the intricate relationships that shape our lives—the one with ourselves, with our creativity, and with our intimate partners.

Whether you're caught in the consuming intensity of limerence, struggling with creative blocks, or navigating relationship patterns that leave you feeling disconnected, these experiences often share common roots: fear of vulnerability, difficulty accessing and trusting our feelings, and patterns of self-protection that limit our capacity for genuine connection to ourselves and others.

Using a contemporary psychoanalytic approach, we will explore what lies beneath the surface, including the mechanisms that may be causing you to abandon yourself in the pursuit of external validation or connection.

Through our work together, you will develop deeper self-understanding, self-acceptance, and curiosity about your inner world, laying the groundwork for reconnecting with and trusting parts of yourself that have splintered along the way.

Your race, ethnicity, culture, sexual orientation, gender identity/expression/fluidity, and spirituality are all valued and respected here.

I'm currently working in-person and via Zoom. My office is in the Flatiron area of Manhattan (10010).

Note: I am an out-of-network provider.

Click here to make an appointment.


My Approach

What happens in the room...

mindfulness therapy

Raising awareness...

You'll begin to create the awareness needed to create change outside the therapy room. Becoming mindful of your everyday thoughts, feelings, and behaviors will be the foundation of our work together.

cbt dbt therapy

Exploring outdated patterns of coping ...

Digging deeper into your recent and not-so-recent history is essential to unearthing old thought patterns (e.g., limerence, self-attack) and behaviors that are no longer working for you.

psychodynamic psychoanalytic therapy

Uncovering unconscious motivations...


Understanding how your underlying feelings, fantasies, defense mechanisms, and motivations may be preventing you from getting unstuck and truly connecting in your relationships.


Individual Therapy

I am experienced in a range of specialties, including:

couples communication issues

Your Relationship with Others

Therapy can help you understand the dynamics you have with those closest to you. Maybe you're stuck in the same patterns with partners or loved ones, repeating cycles that leave you feeling frustrated or unheard. Or perhaps you've people-pleased your way into relationships where you have very little voice or agency. Whatever relationship dynamics have been overwhelming you, our work together can help you find the clarity and empowerment needed to create more meaningful, satisfying connections that feel sustainable.

artist creativity issues

Your Relationship with your craft

Fear of inadequacy, mediocrity, or even success might be preventing you from taking the next step in your creative projects. Or maybe you feel disconnected from parts of yourself that once flowed freely in your work. Either way, I can help you get unstuck and unencumbered by whatever is blocking you. If you're lacking structure in your creative life, or if something has been preventing you from making progress, we'll work together to identify what you need and help you get back on track.

object relations psychoanalytic therapy

Your Relationship with yourself

From the moment we're born, we're affected by what goes on around us. In infancy, our primary caregiver is our world, and we rely on them to meet our needs. These earliest experiences shape us, and we develop both helpful and counterproductive ways of coping with life. Talk therapy can help you understand how your formative years continue to inform your present-day relationships and patterns. We'll also explore what might be getting in the way of developing self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Couples Therapy

couples therapy, therapy 10010

Whether you're having a crisis with your spouse or partner or hoping to bolster your relationship, my first order of business is to help you communicate with each other in a productive way.

Couples I've worked with often share the same sentiment: "We thought we were communicating all this time." They weren't.

I help couples access and articulate the underlying feelings that have been like bricks in a wall, serving as a protective barrier from emotional and physical intimacy. I also encourage partners to put thoughts and feelings into words rather than acting upon them both in and out of the therapy room.

Ultimately, we work toward feeling safe enough to speak freely to one another, rewiring how you communicate on an ongoing basis.                                    




Limerence

/ˈlimərəns/
The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.
Therapy: I see people in the midst of a limerent episode or when limerence is (however temporarily) in the rearview mirror.

Wherever you happen to be, we'll work together to address the obsessive ruminations so you can function day-to-day, and ultimately gain a deeper understanding of the origins of your limerence—how it became both a coping mechanism and a source of pain.


Consulting & Psychoeducation: If you would like to consult to understand your limerence better, click here.

If you'd like to read more about limerence, click on the following articles:


Podcast: Click here to listen to The Intense Mind Podcast with Imi Lo to learn how unconscious mechanisms drive this intense experience, from the early attachment patterns that set the stage to the role of fantasy and emotional regulation. We'll explore why some of us are more prone to limerence than others, how early experiences shape our romantic patterns, and most importantly - what we can actually do about it.


Flatiron NYC 10010 therapist

What to expect...

If you've googled "how to find a couples therapist in nyc" or "find a good therapist near me," you already know that sorting through the results is no easy task. And then when you do make a choice, not knowing what to expect can feel overwhelming.


If you're looking for ongoing therapy, we'll start with a 15-20 minute Zoom consultation so we can meet and discuss what compelled you to reach out. If we both feel it's a good fit and decide to move forward together, you can expect to see changes in how you relate to yourself—more self-compassion instead of harsh self-judgment, greater self-acceptance, and increased emotional availability in your relationships.

Recent Articles/Podcasts


limerence repetition compulsion

Limerence and the Repetition Compulsion


When you’re in limerence, you’re repeating a pattern of longing established early in your childhood which likely took root when you felt loved in some moments but not in others. The tension brought on by confusion and uncertainty – especially when concerned with something as important as feeling loved – can compel you to persistently try to find resolution by seeking out relationships and experiences that promise complete, unwavering love. Freud called this phenomenon the repetition compulsion

In Beyond the Pleasure Principle (1920), Freud observed that people tend to unconsciously repeat painful or traumatic experiences...





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limerence shame self-abandonment unconditional love

How Your Limerence is Fueled by Shame and Self-Abandonment


In therapy, my calling attention to a patient’s continual rejection and criticism of one's attraction to limerence often evokes a sobering mix of clarity and sadness. I've seen individuals in limerence hoping to rid themselves of it like an emotional exorcism. Obsessing about and longing for a stranger, a celebrity, a teacher, a friend, or an ex elicits shame and the desire to excise the shameful part of oneself to feel normal again. 

What’s shameful about wanting to be wanted and loved? When I’ve asked that question in session, I’m met with sentiments like it’s selfish and childish or I’m angry with myself that I can’t get past it...






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limerence psychic retreat unconditional love

Limerence: A Psychic Retreat


Psychoanalytic practitioners of all persuasions have theorized that infants psychically retreat into an ideal and omnipotent fantasy space in order to cope with anxiety that stems from breaks in the caregiver/child connection. When distress calls prove fruitless, some infants defend against distress by fully retreating into fantasy with a romanticized object who is perfectly attuned to the infant. The fantasy satisfies the infant’s need to feel wanted and cared for. Although this false protective construction fosters a false confidence, hopelessness and fear of a motherless world is quelled, for now. Relief from the terror of the void provides a blissful experience worth revisiting....





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Nicole Matusow, LCSW

Individual Therapy | Couples Therapy | Group Therapy

NYC

New York, NY 10010